When Serving God Starts Feeling Like Resentment|05.03.26|Is That In the Bible? pt.4

A few years back, I decided to make Megan an incredible meal on my charcoal smoker to celebrate her.

Now, the one thing you should know about charcoal smokers is that they take TIME. Because you’ve got to set it up just right, and make sure the airflow is just right, and then you’ve got to keep an eye on it throughout the process, making sure the temps are holding steady, and that the food is cooking properly. It can be quite an ordeal!

But the food that comes out of there: oh my gosh. Melt in your mouth, fall off the bone, with that distinct flavor profile that only comes from the charcoal…

So, there was one time that I wanted to celebrate Megan with an incredible meal. And I don’t recall if it was for her birthday or mother’s day, or just some other celebration, but the point was to make her and the kids something delicious and special.

So I got all the ingredients, and I made sure to clean the grill the day before, [...]

I was trying a new recipe that looked amazing, and I told Megan all about it, and she was excited too!

And so I started getting all the supplies together, and I kept having to go outside to check the smoker, check the temps in the food, check to make sure the wood was producing the right amount of smoke. And then inside to prep the sauces and the sides, and then outside to babysit the fire again.

And this went on for HOURS. And Megan was trying to keep our two kids under 3 away from the grill outside, so they were just acting feral inside.

And FINALLY we sat down for the meal, and I must say, it was EXCELLENT. And we loved it. And we ate it quickly because we were so hungry. So dinner lasted all of 15 minutes. And then I had to start cleaning up.

Hours of prep, cooking, checking… all for 15 minutes around the dinner table.

And I realized that I had been babysitting the meal instead of spending time with my wife and my actual babies. [...]

I had wanted to do something nice for Megan. I did something really good for the one I love… but it took me AWAY from her. And I didn’t even notice until it was over.

[Scripture Ref]

And today, we’re going to be talking about how many of us do the same thing in our relationship with Jesus. So open your Bibles with me to the Gospel of Luke, chapter 10 (p???).

This scene is going to introduce us to two sisters, Martha and Mary. And today, Jesus is going to be teaching them about the most important things in becoming one of his followers.

And even though the last couple weeks, we’ve been watching a clip from the show, The Chosen, and THEN going back to read the Scripture, we’re switching it up today, and we’re going to read the Scripture together first.

So let’s be thinking about how sometimes the things we DO actually take us away from the ONE we are trying to connect with. And let’s RISE for the reading of God’s Word…

[Luke 10:38-42]

[intro]

That’s a pretty short passage, so before we unpack it, we’re going to watch how the show, The Chosen, imagines it for us. And again, let’s pay special attention to what Jesus is prioritizing above all other things. Let’s watch…

[VIDEO: Martha and Mary]

[Luke 10:38-39]

The acting and the writing in this show is really great, and it can truly help the stories come to life for us. But we always want things that other people tell us about God — whether that’s a show, or a video on social media, or even a pastor that tells us something… our response should always be to go back to the Scriptures OURSELVES. So let’s walk through this passage together…

We’re introduced to both Martha and Mary, and from the get-go, there are some clues we need to pick up on about first-century culture: Martha is the one who “welcomed [Jesus] into her home.” And her hospitality is exactly what is culturally expected, because in first-century Jewish households, welcoming a rabbi into your home was a big deal.

Not only was it an honor TO her, it showed a significant act of piety for her to DO it. And the expectation of hosting fell entirely on women in that day. So Martha is doing exactly what her community told her a faithful woman should do.

Mary, on the other hand, is the surprising one. She’s sitting at Jesus’ feet and listening to him. That’s the posture of a student, just like Jesus’ male disciples. And in that culture, women didn’t do that. So Mary is CLAIMING the role of a student, and Jesus not only allows her to do this, he actually DEFENDS her choice as the portion of inheritance that won’t be taken from her.

That’s the earthquake in this story: Jesus is defending Mary's choice as the better inheritance. Something she received, not earned. And I want to come back to that, because I think that's the thing that changes everything for us today.

[Luke 10:40]

But v40 shows us how Martha is trying to connect with Jesus in contrast with Mary. Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet, sitting beneath him to learn from him and connect with him. But Martha is “distracted” by her many tasks.

The word that Luke uses here for “distracted” has the meaning of being pulled in many directions. Literally, it’s a word that is used for when a horse’s bit is yanked and pulls the direction of the horse.

Martha’s hospitality and serving is pulling her in many directions… she’s being dragged off course. She’s not just busy… she’s being pulled apart.

I’m sure many of you are familiar with that feeling. For too many of us, anxiety-driven overwork has become a norm for us. And instead of faithful service, we’re being torn apart by our many tasks.

So Martha came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me!”

She “came to him,” and the word is to “stand over, to be in charge of.” And we saw that in the clip from the Chosen, that she’s standing over Jesus as if she’s talking down to him.

Martha started out wanting to serve Jesus, but she’s feeling torn apart by her many tasks, and she ends up trying to command the one she’s trying to serve. She actually tries to coerce Jesus into doing her bidding.

What she was trying to do FOR Jesus wasn’t fueled by the right things, and she ends up acting like SHE’S the one in charge of her sister. Her good intentions have been completely undone by her distraction.

[Luke 10:41-42]

But Jesus doesn’t rebuke her. He says, “Martha, Martha…” and the double name is a sign of tenderness. You can see Jesus use this double name in other places, talking about “Simon, Simon,” or “Jerusalem, Jerusalem,” — this is what Jesus sounds like when he is loving someone towards something better.

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things.” He calls it out clearly, but he’s not shaming her. "You are overly worried, anxious, burdened… and you are troubled and distracted by these many things you're doing, but there is need of only one thing."

Jesus uses a word that means “genuine need.” Only ONE THING is needed, only one thing is necessary. He’s not giving a tip, he’s declaring what our souls actually require.

Then he says, "Mary has chosen it. It's the better part; it won't be taken from her." Jesus uses language that is connected to inheritance: Mary has chosen the better part, the better portion.

It's almost like when Jesus showed up, there was something offered. You can choose to serve him or you can choose to learn from him, and Mary chose the better inheritance. It's a gift that's given to her: the opportunity to sit under him and learn from him.

Martha was offered the same thing, but she chose to instead allow herself to be distracted and become unduly burdened by the act of serving, which then undermined the service that she wanted to give.

It turned what she started as love into something that looked more like resentment. Even manipulation.

[Doing for God]

Truly, when what you’re doing for God isn’t fueled by time with God, you will start to act like you are God.

Martha STARTED with the right heart. She wanted to honor Jesus. She wanted to serve him well. But being pulled in many directions threw her off, and she ended up STANDING OVER the one she was trying to serve: trying to manage him, redirect him, get him to do HER bidding.

The serving got distorted. It starts as love, but ends as control. And it happens naturally over time when what we’re doing FOR God isn’t fueled by time WITH God. It’s what happens over time when we let our good work become the source of our identity and approval.

Pastor Tim Keller points out that Martha’s anger at Mary (and her demand that Jesus intervene) reveals that her service had become about herself, not about Jesus. This is a heart-problem more than a problem about how many tasks she’s trying to do.

And if I’m honest, I’ve seen this in myself. The serving that started out of love starts to feel like obligation. And when I look at our church, I wonder how many of us are running on empty and calling it faithfulness?

Over time, our serving takes the place of our time with Jesus. Our serving happens INSTEAD of being with Jesus, abiding with Jesus, receiving from Jesus.

That’s when the serving gets twisted in on itself. It ends up becoming something we hold over other people’s heads. We do it begrudgingly. We do it with resentment in our hearts, because the joy and the love that comes from serving has been stolen from us.

And I see this happen in our everyday lives as well. Because this isn’t just about serving at church. Martha was hosting guests at her home. And the same resentment and begrudging outlook can dominate us in every area of our lives.

You’ve seen it: it’s the person who has been so busy being a good parent, a good spouse, a good employee, a good neighbor… doing all the right things… but somewhere along the way, the DOING took over and the BEING got crowded out.

And the fruit started to change. The joy and the peace and the patience and the love that they started with began to drain and wither. The resentment and the judgment started to build. And you didn’t even notice until it was too late.

Because when what you’re doing for God isn’t fueled by time with God, you will start to act like you are God.

[Connection with Jesus]

But your connection with Jesus isn’t something you work for. It’s something you receive. Jesus isn’t the achievement at the end of your spiritual to-do list. He’s the SOURCE that everything else flows from.

And this is sometimes hard for us to understand and embody, because everything else in our American society fights against that idea. In our culture, we often conflate our worth with our work.

What do you ask when you meet someone new? “What do you do?” And what we mean is: what job do you have, what tasks do you do, what performance do you accomplish in order to build your approval and worth?

And so we put priority on the tasks that need to be done, the jobs that need to be completed, the money that needs to be earned. When we do those things, then we feel, “Yep, I've done what I need to do. I've put in the work. I've not been a slacker. I've earned my keep for the day."

And then we have that same thinking with our spiritual life, our relationship with Jesus, where we think that what we are DOING for Jesus is how we earn our keep with Jesus. That’s how we pay him back for the love he’s given to us.

But you didn’t EARN his love, so you can’t LOSE his love. You don’t secure his approval by what you do. And so that means that you can’t LOSE his approval by what you don’t do.

Your connection with Jesus isn’t something you work for or earn. It’s something you RECEIVE.

Jesus tells us, “I’ve already claimed you. I’ve already adopted you as my own. And I’ve given you the opportunity to continue to grow with me and learn from me. I’ve given you the chance to learn from my words and let them actually grow in you, and out of the overflow of that, then you can do what I’m calling you to do.”

Mary didn’t work her way to the better portion. She didn’t earn her way to the inheritance. She RECEIVED it. And because she didn’t earn it, she can’t lose it. That inheritance was bestowed on her, and Jesus says it will never be taken from her. The one who gave it to her says it will never be taken away.

And that’s not just for Mary. Jesus is offering that same inheritance, that same gift of grace to learn from him and be grown by him… he’s offering it to you right now.

Your connection with Jesus isn’t something that happens when you DO work for Jesus. It’s a gift that is received because of his goodness and grace.

And when we let the things we DO pull us away from the ONE we were created for, it’s a problem. The meal I made for Megan was good. It really was! But the meal wasn’t the point. What she actually wanted was time and presence with me. THAT was the better portion.

[This week]

And when we’re receiving from Jesus, when we’re connected to him, the right things grow in our life. Scripture calls it the fruit of the Spirit. Another way to say it would be the character of Jesus.

When we stay connected with Jesus and receive from him, the character of Jesus grows in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness…

THAT’S what grows in us when we stay connected to Jesus… when we’re serving from a connected place.

But resentment, anger, jealousy… THAT’S what grows when we’re serving from an empty, disconnected place.

So check the fruit. Take an honest look at the things you’re doing for Jesus: could be serving here at church, or could be trying to be a good spouse or parent, or could be your witness to coworkers and neighbors… Whatever it is for you… just check the fruit.

Ask yourself: is this making me more like Jesus? More patient, more kind, more filled with faith? Or is the way I'm going about it making me more angry, more worn out, more resentful?

If you see the fruit of your life that looks more like resentment or judging… just know that’s not evidence that you’re a bad person. It’s evidence that you’re a disconnected person. And that’s exactly the type of person that Jesus came to find and reach and bring back to his side.

Because the fruit doesn’t lie. And if what you’re doing is producing fruit that doesn’t look like the character of Jesus, that’s ALSO NOT a sign to try harder. That's Jesus calling you back to himself. He's the one doing the calling. All you're doing is turning toward him

[END]

Jesus didn’t rebuke or condemn Martha. He called her by name, “Martha, Martha,” and drew her toward something better. That’s what he’s doing right now with you.

He’s not standing over you with a checklist to see whether you’ve done enough for him lately. He’s sitting down WITH you, the same way he sat down with the woman at the well. The same way he showed up for the crippled man at the pool. The same way he stayed present with Paul in his suffering.

And he’s saying, “Stay with me. Sit with me. Learn from me and recover your life.” [...]

That meal I made on the smoker was really good. But presence is better. And Jesus… the one who crosses every barrier to get to you, who stays with you in your suffering, whose love isn’t limited by your past… He’s not asking you to cook him a better meal. He’s asking you to pull up a chair and sit with him. To keep step with him, not walk ahead on your own.

That’s the better portion. That’s the gift of grace that he offers. And he sustains it, it will never be taken away from you.

Isn’t that good news?