If God Loves Me, Why Am I Afraid to Mess Up?|02.08.26|The Overflow Life pt.2

I was 6 years old, sitting on a bench at a truckstop, waiting to receive the whooping of my life. And all I could think about was the Golden rule. Many of us grew up hearing the Golden Rule: “Treat others… the way YOU… want to be treated.”

I heard that a lot growing up. “Hey, I saw what you just did to your little brother… is that how you would want him to treat you?”

Treat others the way you want to be treated. It sounds good. And it IS good. But it’s incomplete, because it doesn't take too long to figure out exactly how to bend it to meet your own needs. Kids learn how to bend it all the time!

When I was a kid, I learned how to bend it all the time. You say things like, “well, he hit me first,” or “I'm just giving back what I got.”

And pretty soon, “treat others as you would want to be treated” turns into: “I'm only treating them the way they've already treated me.”

But most of us aren't starting from a place of security and love and safety and overflow.. Most of us learn the Golden Rule by reacting to what the other has already done to us. Most of us didn’t just learn rules about love. We learned what happens when we fail them.

[story] There was this time I remember as a kid, we were on a road trip and I was probably in first grade, my brother was probably like four years old, and we were on this long cross-country road trip in the back of a two-door Toyota Tercel.

My mom and dad are up front, frustrated because they were using an outdated Thomas Guide map to try and get to some random town that we'd never been to before, and we had crossed over state lines and we weren't exactly sure where we were.

And me and my brother were just in the back, bored and messing with each other. And, I'm pretty sure I started it, but of course, my brother responds back to me, and then I respond back to him, and then it escalates and escalates, and pretty soon the four-year-old is crying.

And I'm being yelled at in the back, “I told you not to mess with your brother!”

And my dad just pulls over right away. That's it! I'm pulling over! And my heart dropped into my stomach. And we pull over at a rest stop, and my mom gets out of her seat, and my dad's like, “get out of the car and go sit on the bench and wait for me.”

And I go sit on the bench. And my head is just down. And I just KNOW, I messed up. This is it. I'm gonna get the biggest whooping of my life. I’m waiting my turn at the gallows.

And then my dad comes over to the bench with his face set… [/story]

…And I’m going to tell you the rest of the story, but we all know what it’s like to be shaped by a world that uses threat instead of love. We grow up hearing things like “you’d better behave… or else!”

We hear things like “you’d better do your part, or you’re going to lose your place on the team.” or we hear conditional statements like: “I’ll scratch your back… IF you scratch mine.”

And this idea of conditional love and reciprocal belonging seeps into everything: relationships, work, parenting… and even our faith.

That’s why when Jesus says that the greatest command is to “love God and love others,” we sometimes hear it as a burden we have to carry in order to belong. We hear it as, “This is what you MUST do.” “THIS is how you prove your worth.”

But we mentioned it last week, that’s not the full thing Jesus said. “Love God and love others” misses the end of what Jesus says: “love others as yourself.”

That’s why we talked last week that the only way we can fully love God with all of who we are… the only way we can truly love others… is if we have RECEIVED love first. The only way we are able to share love is if we are starting from a secure love that has been given to us… first.

That's when we see that God's love for US is what OVERFLOWS out of us towards others. We don't muster up our love. We receive and share what God generously gives us.

That’s why last week, we said this clearly: we don’t love IN ORDER TO be loved… we love because WE ARE loved. We’re God’s beloved children.

And because we don’t EARN God’s love… we cannot LOSE God’s love. It’s secured through Jesus and given to us as a gift.

But if that’s true, then how can I be sure God’s love actually lives in me, even when I don’t FEEL it?

[Scripture Ref]

That’s what we’re going to look at in our passage today, so open your Bibles to 1 John 4 (p188). As we talked about last time, this letter is a poetic sermon written by the Apostle John, writing to house-churches around Ephesus who were dealing with some major conflict and fighting around whether or not Jesus was actually God, or if he was just a really good messenger from God.

And so John is writing to them to affirm that Jesus IS God, and we can trust in the forgiveness and grace that has been given to us through the cross, because God IS love.

And because God’s very nature is love, we who have been adopted into his family are to love one another. But he’s not commanding love as a “task” we have to do in order to maintain our standing in the family of God.

He’s explaining where true love comes from and where it lives. And so, let’s read the whole passage, and then we’ll dig into the middle section. And listen for the words “abide” and “perfected.”

[1 John 4:7-21]

[1 John 4:11]

We did the opening section last week, and today, we’re looking at the middle verses 11-16. And John starts this section with a reminder of our identity again, calling us “Beloved.”

Because God has pursued us with unrelenting love, that makes us “beloved.” We start from a place of belonging, not because of our behavior, but because of who our Father is.

[1 John 4:12]

And even though no one has ever “SEEN” God, we don’t have an absent Father. He’s not seen in the flesh like other relationships in our lives, but rather, he BECOMES visible through our love.

"No one has ever seen (beheld, looked at) God, but if we love one another (if we demonstrate ongoing active love to others), God lives in us.” God resides, remains, abides in us…

This section talks about God ABIDING in us and how we ABIDE in him a lot. And that word, “abide” shows up in the letter of 1st John 22 times! The only other place in the NT that uses it more is the gospel of John. This is an important word to John!

The word is often translated as “lives in” or “abide,” but it can also mean “remain, stay” (in a sense of living, dwelling, lodging somewhere).

When Jesus was trying to describe what it was like to stay so connected to God that our very LIFE comes from him, he used the image of a large vine system. The branches that REMAINED connected to the main vine stayed alive and bore fruit. The branches that didn’t stay connected to the vine shrivelled up and died.

So he says, “Just like that, stay connected to me. Abide in me, and I will abide in you, and you will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do nothing.”

And here in 1 John, he’s saying that when we receive God’s love and let it overflow into our love for others, not only is it a visible demonstration of God so that others can SEE him, it’s how we experience God’s life filling up our life.

John is not saying our love causes God to move in. He’s saying God moves in first, and our love is how His presence becomes visible.

And as we show love to others, “his love is perfected in us.” Other translations will say “his love is made complete in us.” Now, this is NOT saying that God’s love is in need of improving. It’s not broken and waiting for us to love each other in order to fix it.

Showing love to each other is not how we “upgrade” God’s love. When John says that our love for each other “perfects” or “makes complete” God’s love, it’s talking about bringing it to full measure.

John is trying to communicate that when God’s love abides in us and overflows out of us in our love to others, that is when God’s love fulfills what it was designed to do. That’s when it finds its full expression.

Not because of something we are doing, but because of what God is doing in us and through us, with lasting effect.

[1 John 4:13-15]

But we don’t rely on whether or not we “feel” like God’s love lives in us to know whether or not it’s true. Remember, we started by asking how can I be sure God’s love actually lives in me, even when I don’t FEEL it?

“By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and do testify that the Father has sent his Son as the Savior of the world.”

How can I be sure God’s love lives in me? The Spirit has been given to us: at our baptism, through prayer, and every time Scripture is proclaimed… we are being ministered to by the Spirit.

And any time we confess Jesus is the Savior of the World. Any time we proclaim that Jesus is God, God abides in us. God sent the Son to save us, and God now dwells in us and remains with us whenever we declare that truth.

[God’s love lives in us]

The end of our reading says it best: “we love because he first loved us.” God moved FIRST. He doesn’t have to wait for our emotions to cooperate and “feel” like he loves us. He doesn’t wait to move in until after we’ve improved our lives.

God’s love doesn’t rise or fall with our confidence, as if the way we feel is more powerful than his love reaching out to us.

No, John is trying to make it clear to us that God’s love lives IN us before it ever works THROUGH us. We’re not told to love each other on our own power. We are beloved children of God, daily lavished with the gift of his grace and love, filled to the fullness of the measure of God so that we can OVERFLOW that love through our lives.

And when we say that “God’s love lives in us,” we’re not talking about a warm feeling. And we’re not talking about a sense of spiritual momentum in our lives, whether or not we’re keeping up with Bible reading or prayer. And we’re not talking about a state of victory over sin.

Because if God’s love residing in us depended on those things, I would be constantly worried that I had lost God’s love every time I fell out of the habit of prayer (which happens often) or every time I stumble back into old sin (which is so easy).

A wise pastor I respect said that we can’t put our faith in OUR FAITH. God’s love lives in us, not because of what WE DO or don’t do. The abiding love of God is an objective reality that is established by the Father, accomplished by the Son, sealed by the Spirit, and trusted through the truths we confess.

God’s love lives IN us before it ever works THROUGH us because of what God has done on our behalf. God is love, and as we rest in his love for us, his love takes root in us, fills us up, and overflows out of us.

[blank]

But this goes against everything our world teaches us about earning and payback and the Golden Rule. That’s why we need to remind ourselves often. That’s why we need to turn back to the Word to hear the gospel again and again and again.

So we don’t fall into the same old thoughts that when we do good, we are loved, and when we mess up, we’re kicked out.

That’s how I felt, sitting on that bench. I KNEW I had messed up. I knew I had gone too far and had chosen to make my brother upset. I KNEW that I had been warned and warned, and now I was on the chopping block.

And my dad walked up to me, and I braced myself, but I didn’t fight back or run away. I knew I deserved whatever whooping I was about to get. And my dad sat next to me and… was just quiet. For a second? For a minute? I don’t know.

And then he said something that made me finally look up at him, “I’m not going to spank you.” “...what?” “I’m not going to spank you… do you know why?”

“You deserve to be punished because you hurt your brother. That’s not okay. You’re his big brother, and you’re supposed to protect him and help him. But you hurt him instead. He’s smaller than you. You deserve a spanking, but I’m not going to spank you…”

“Because of Jesus. Jesus took the punishment for all of us. Jesus took the punishment for every sin we commit, and every sin we WILL commit. He took it on himself, and he forgave us. Even though we didn’t deserve it.”

“Do you know what that’s called? …Grace. Grace is getting a gift you don’t deserve. You didn’t earn it, but you get it because of someone else’s love.”

“You’re my son, and I love you, and I want you to grow up to be the man God wants you to be. But God loves you even more than I do. He’s your true Father. And he has shown me grace, and he has shown you grace.”

“And so, instead of a spanking, I’m giving you forgiveness and a hug. Now let’s go make sure your brother is okay…”

That is my earliest memory about the concept of grace. I had learned all about saying “sorry” when I mess up and asking for forgiveness… but this was different. Grace was a gift I didn’t earn. Grace was given because of God’s love for me.

Grace didn’t erase my responsibility to change my actions and learn and grow. But it did create a space for love to bring healing in my relationships with my family.

And here I am, more than 30 years later, sharing with you about how God’s love and his grace isn’t just an idea that is on a page. It doesn’t live outside of us. God’s love lives IN us well before it ever works through us.

God’s love and grace has lived inside me since that moment on the bench, shaping me little by little, forming how I understand God.

And maybe that story really connects with you, or maybe you still have some disconnect. And I get it, most people get stuck in the fact that they don’t “feel” God’s love. They don’t ever hear God’s voice. They aren’t sure if he’s ignoring them, or invisible to them.

We come to church, we read the Bible, and we “hear” about God’s love. We even believe in it. But we don’t always feel it.

That’s why we need the good news of the gospel that God’s love doesn’t depend on our feelings. God’s love doesn’t depend on how certain you feel. Scripture trains us to trust the promises of God, demonstrated in the work of God, and lived out in our testimony and confession.

[1 John 4:11]

Look again with me at v11: “Since God loved us so much…” There’s no CONDITIONS to his love. In no uncertain terms, God’s work in Christ is the proof of his love for us. That’s why we need to regularly reflect on how God’s love has already been showered on us by reflecting on our baptism and communion.

A second anchor for our faith is how God’s love is made complete in us as God abides in us through the Spirit. Even though we’re not in perfect union with God like we will be in heaven, God gave us his Spirit to live in us and work through our obedience.

[1 John 4:15]

But we don’t just “hear about” God’s work in Christ. And we don’t simply experience the Spirit passively. John wants us to know that it is through our proclamation — through our testimony that Jesus is the Son of God, and that he is the Savior of the world — it is in the professing of that truth that the reality of God’s love fills up our lives.

God's life in us comes to us through Christ, and it takes shape as we actually confess and testify to him.

[Return to the promises]

It’s not a test. We’re not asked to meet a quota of the number of times we declare that Jesus is God. And it’s not as if our words actually earn us with God. But it’s clear that our testimony is an important part of experiencing God’s indwelling love.

That’s why our takeaway this week is to return to the promises in Scripture that name who Jesus is and what He has done. This isn’t so that we can muster up some “feeling” about God, but it IS about RETURNING to these truths so that we can reestablish our standing and our trust in the Word of God.

And there are many incredible verses in the Bible that declare who Jesus is and what he has done, but here are a few to start with.

[Verses]

Let me read these to you:

'Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. '

Hebrews 13:8

' Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. '

Romans 8:1

'And we have seen and do testify that the Father has sent his Son as the Savior of the world. God abides in those who confess that Jesus is the Son of God, and they abide in God. '

1 John 4:14-15

' The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. '

Lamentations 3:22-23

We don’t put our faith in our faith or how we feel or whether we’re doing well with following God. We put our faith in Jesus and who he is and what he has done.

So the next time shame shows up, return to the promises in Scripture.

When you fail again, return to the truth of who Jesus is and what HE has done.

When anxiety spikes, return to God’s Word to let it minister to you.

When prayer feels empty, return to the declarations that Jesus is God, and his grace and forgiveness is for all… even for ME.

[END]

When we abide in God, when we rest in his love and trust in his work, and he abides in us… he works healing in us to bring wholeness to us. And reconciliation becomes possible instead of reaction or retribution.

When God’s love is made complete in us, when it is brought to the fullness of measure in us, it overflows out of us.

Not because we try harder. Not because we behave better.

But because of Jesus… Christ for you… Because of his work and his love and his grace… we belong. We are beloved.

And so we GET TO proclaim and profess that Jesus is the Son of God.

We GET TO experience the Spirit’s work in us.

We GET TO receive and give testimony of God’s total, encompassing grace, forgiveness, and love that he has lavished on us in Jesus Christ.

And that kind of love doesn’t burn out. It doesn’t run dry. It doesn’t depend on how I feel today.

It fills us up. And it overflows.

Isn’t that good news?