Grief Doesn’t Have to Stop the Good |11.12.23| #blessed pt.2
Matthew 5:4; 2Corinthians 1:3-4
Pastor Drew Williams
No one likes to hear a baby cry
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Right, that’s not a sound that we enjoy. We don’t enjoy hearing a child in distress
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it’s not something that we want usually no matter who you are we try and make funny faces or offer snacks or Pull out a phone to play a game or a silly video to try and distract them We want to soothe a sad child, don’t we?(…) and when you were young whenever something would happen to you the adults in your life would try and Distract you and help you they would scoop you up if you skinned your knee and they’d look it over and they’d say oh I know it hurts. I’m so sorry, but you’re gonna be okay And as we get older we have to find our own ways to soothe ourselves and avoid pain because pain avoidance is a Natural reaction. It’s mostly unconscious because it’s a survival strategy that’s built into our biology Because if you if you touch a hot stove your hands will automatically pull away, right? If we experience emotional injury we we naturally pull away from people and situations that trigger us And whether it’s big or small our natural first reaction is to run from pain Our natural reaction is to turn away and to hold up our hands to block out Whatever it is that we find too difficult to face Isn’t that common for every one of us?
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We humans have always tried to find ways to escape or distract or numb ourselves from the harsh realities of life and Some people depending on their personality style even make the avoidance of pain an integral part(…) Of who they are. They organize their whole lives around avoiding it at any cost. No Never look back. It’s too dark back there. I can’t change it Therefore I’m always focusing on the future where I have agency to make decisions for myself To pursue the good life and build it for myself And that’s what we want. Isn’t it the good life? We want to pursue the things in life that will fulfill us or at least Distract us from the less than desirable aspects of life Our culture is in constant search for things that will bring us happiness contentment Everywhere you look there’s ads that promise the good life the blessed life, right? Oh, are you bored? We’ll come to our fun event Are you discontent go ahead and buy that new shiny toy? Are you feeling jealous about your neighbor’s vacation?
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Book your trip with us now and you’ll become the envy of all your friends and then When you add in social media into our existence when all we see is the highlight reel of everyone else’s lives It makes us even more prone to choose to minimize the pain in our lives(…) It makes us choose to only focus on the positives the pursuit of the new and shiny
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Because no one wants to be Debbie downer Apologies to anyone who’s named Debbie But no one wants to be the person that brings the mood down with their friends and family Because that makes people start to avoid you because now you are actually the epitome of the pain that they’re trying to avoid No, we want to be the type of person that says I’m too blessed to be stressed(…) I’m too grateful to be hateful I’m just out here living my hashtag blessed life
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But our message series that we’re going through right now is all about how Jesus turned our expectations of what the good life is Upside down(…) At the beginning of his sermon on the Mount in the book of Matthew He lists nine sayings of what the good life truly is in the kingdom of God and many of them are quite Surprising and the one we’re looking at today is the second one and it reads Blessed are those who mourn For they will be comforted Another translation reads happy are those who mourn
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happy(…) What?(…) Like what do you mean? I’m supposed to be happy when I’m grieving What kind of mumbo-jumbo is this is is Jesus just using the power of positive thinking to try and help people buck up Because Jesus can’t possibly be saying that mourning and grief are a part of the good life Like that can’t be why would anyone want? Grief in their life. Why would anyone pursue sad feelings? We’re wired to avoid pain, right?(…) There’s a pastor in Sacramento His name is Mark Scandrett and he wrote a book that we’re using as a resource for the series called the ninefold path of Jesus and it discusses each of these beatitudes sayings that Jesus gives about the good life and in the chapter on grief and mourning He says this
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Maybe we run from pain Because we think all that there is is despair(…) But as anyone in recovery knows running from pain doesn’t help if your heart breaks and you don’t take time to mourn The pain only goes deeper the sadness ends up leaking out in other ways anger stress physical illness depression or dependency on food entertainment Alcohol drug use or other compulsive activity We can even use work to escape(…) Many of the things we use to escape weren’t designed to provide lasting comfort And then he finishes with at the bottom of the bottle or when the binge worthy theory ends We are still stuck with the same problems and I am positive that all of us have experienced the way that pain can come rushing back in When the thing that we’re using to avoid it comes to an end So What if there’s a better way a truer way to the good life(…) Jesus seems to say that the answer isn’t in running from our pain
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Jesus seems to take the way of the world where the pursuit of the good life is to avoid pain And he takes that and he turns it upside down He says you’re blessed when you grieve You’re blessed when you experience pain(…) Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted
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What if we could discover the truer and longer lasting source of comfort?
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What would it be like to take the the point of our deepest pain in our life?(…) And what if we could experience true? lasting solace there Is that something that you desire?
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Today we’re gonna look at how Jesus processed pain and grief And I’m going to suggest that the posture that we can take when we follow him is not to avoid pain But that we can face pain And then we’re gonna look at three practices that we can try in order to face pain in the way of Jesus so that we can Begin to experience the good life that he offers the one that doesn’t hide from or ignore pain that is around us So if you’d like to open your Bibles with me you’re welcome to I’m gonna always try and put the the page number on the screen for the black seat back Bibles But we are gonna jump around a little bit today, but we’re starting in Matthew chapter 5
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Where Jesus makes that statement that we began with where he says Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted(…) Now it’s almost as if Jesus knows that our natural way of avoiding pain and running from it or Distracting from it is not the way to the good life(…) it’s as if he knows that it will result in unresolved trauma or Unspoken hurt and broken relationships and so instead he invites us into the good life in the kingdom of God Where we are told not to avoid pain
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But to face it with the help of God
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Jesus is telling us that grief Can be good When we turn to God?
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Jesus himself took time to to grieve and mourn When he received news that his cousin John had been beheaded Matthew 14 tells us that he withdrew to a solitary place in order to make space to grief When his friend Lazarus died John 11 tells us that he wept bitterly at the grave And when he arrived at Jerusalem right before his eventual trial and execution He cried over the structural injustice of the city that had allowed generations of prophets to be ignored and murdered(…) But why is Jesus telling us that grief is part of the good life in the kingdom of God?(…) Why is it important for us to follow in his footsteps in this way?
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Because Jesus knows that avoiding pain Doesn’t resolve anything(…) Especially in this world in this world of great beauty mixed with great tragedy We can’t possibly run forever
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Because when you are mistreated or when someone close to you dies Or when you hear about the latest mass shooting or war The only thing that makes sense is to grieve(…) and in our world There is so much to grieve about Children who endure awful home lives or children who are separated from their parents due to war or refugee situations
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starvation and extreme poverty People subject to violence in their homes People subject to sexual exploitation mental illness homelessness addiction
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Loneliness and depression
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The divisions in our country that cause people to hate each other whether it’s political or sociological or something else There is so much to grieve over
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and I Don’t want to face it It’s too painful I don’t want to dwell on it I feel sad about the friends I know who are battling cancer I feel regret on the mistakes I’ve made as a husband and a father And anytime I see someone on the side of the room with all their belongings I feel deep grief over the situation that would cause them to be separated from a home and a family It’s too painful It’s too big to overcome and I feel overwhelmed I feel like I want to run away and think about anything else or distract myself or numb myself so I don’t have to get crushed under the weight of it all
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So why did Jesus invite us to face our pain?
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How could that ever be something that is included in the blessed life the good life in the kingdom of God Well, I think it’s because he had confidence(…) in the fact that turning to God brings comfort
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Grief can be good
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when it turns us to God
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Jesus knew that even when you feel alone in your grief you never are actually alone and just the presence of God
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can bring peace That’s what the psalmist knew in Psalm 42 That’s the psalm that begins with “As the deer longs for flowing streams my soul longs for you and it continues to say “My tears have been my food day and night while people continually say “Where is your God?” It’s a feeling of despair and longing and for many of us the natural reaction is to think that grief and despair and calamity are signs that God is absent Where are you God?
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But the psalm ends this way and I want us to pay close attention to it This is how it ends It says “Why are you cast down O my soul?
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Why are you disquieted within me? Hope in your soul Hope in God
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For I shall again praise Him my help and my God”
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Hope in God When we feel overwhelmed in grief when we feel that we are alone we’re invited to turn to God again
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We just might experience surprise and comfort
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Blessed are those who mourn(…) Blessed are those who face pain(…) for they will be comforted
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So how can we practice facing pain in the way of Jesus? What are some things that we can try that will help us turn to God in order to be welcomed into His presence and begin to experience the healing comfort of our Heavenly Father?
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Well there’s three practices that I’d like to suggest to you and we’ve already mentioned the first one(…) You face pain by making space to mourn In Matthew 14 when Jesus found out about the execution of His cousin John the text tells us that He stopped what He was doing and He withdrew to a deserted place by Himself He stopped the teaching and the healing He stopped the traveling and the proclaiming He stopped the normal things that normally filled up His day so that He could make space to mourn the death of His cousin
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So what are the things that you normally go to when you’re feeling stressed and sad?
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Maybe you’re the type of person that often goes to the freezer with the thought maybe ice cream will help right? You pull out the carton of ice cream and you’re spooning it right out of the carton Maybe a couple bites is enough or maybe you finish the whole pint
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And at what point has the thing that started out as a thing to seek comfort crossed over the line into trying to numb out?
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Or maybe you’re the type of person who prefers a glass of wine at the end of a long day and one glass might be a great way to unwind but you know that you’re slipping over into escapism when you’re pouring your third or fourth glass See, Jesus invites us not to avoid or escape but to face our pain by turning to Him and making space to mourn and process with Him so that we can experience His healing presence
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So what are the things for you that you most often go to for comfort and escape?
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What is God inviting you to consider limiting or giving up for a time to make space for Him?
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Now the second way that we can practice facing pain as if avoiding it is to face pain by writing a complaint
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because sometimes when we make space to mourn when we let go of the normal things that we use to numb or escape, we can find comfort But what about the times when we make space but we feel nothing but despair?
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Mark Skandrett, that pastor I was telling you about earlier he tells us that when we can’t make sense of what we experience, we’re invited to complain And if we look through the book of Psalms we’re going to find an astonishing number of them are actually focused on lament or complaint In fact, when Jesus was on the cross and He was enduring torture and pain He actually quotes Psalm 22 He quotes, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” And if we keep reading Psalm 22, it keeps going “Why are you so far from helping me from the words of my groaning?” “Oh my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer by night, but I find no rest.”
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We’re invited to face pain by writing a complaint And that’s one way that we can do it too, we can practice this You can write down what makes you feel angry or sad You can write down the things that you feel confused or powerless over(…) You can write it in bullet points or you can write it in rhyming poetry It could be a letter, it could be a song Whatever makes sense for you But when we take our pain to God even when we’re complaining about the injustice that we feel it brings us into His presence
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And Jesus’ declaration that blessed are those who mourn(…) tells us that if we dare voice our disappointment to God we might be surprised by the comfort that we experience
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And the third way that we can face our pain is to mourn with those who mourn When Jesus’ friend Lazarus died he went to mourn with the family which included Lazarus’ two sisters Mary and Martha And Jesus, who in about two minutes later was going to raise Lazarus from the dead He still took time to pause and stop and wait with them to mourn with them(…) Apparently Jesus knew that Mary and Martha needed more than just getting their brother back They actually needed to be in the presence of someone who just entered into their space entered into their grief and didn’t try to fix it or distract from it
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When my father passed away three years ago(…) it came as a shock to all of us I remember waking up in the morning to multiple missed calls from my mom and my brother And so when I called them back I heard my mom tell me that my dad had suffered a devastating heart attack in the early hours of the morning and he was gone She just said, “He’s gone, Drew.” And he was 61 And I was devastated They were supposed to come visit us just four days later They were supposed to come visit us to spend time with us as a family and celebrate me graduating from seminary and see Emerson She was a year and a half old and reconnect as a family We hadn’t seen each other in over a year
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And I remember in those moments just feeling the weight of it all And any of you who has ever lost a loved one You know how deep and numbing it can feel My food didn’t taste as good anymore My daughter would be playing nearby She was a year and a half doing the cutest things And I’d just be sitting and staring at her unable to feel anything, just numb
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unable to feel joy or delight And I remember some friends of ours asking if they could come over and bring some brownies And this was in the summer of 2020 And in California the pandemic restrictions were in full force And so we invited them into our backyard rather than having them in our house And we just sat together
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And we chit-chatted about small things But we all knew they were there to be with me because my dad had just passed And they didn’t press They didn’t try to awkwardly change a subject Or make a joke to lighten the mood They just sat with me in my grief(…) And then they gave us hugs(…) And they left after a little while And in that interaction They were the presence of Jesus to me
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Sometimes the way that we learn how to face pain Is by facing the pain of others By entering into their space
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Mourning with those who mourn Sitting with them and validating their pain Without trying to fix it
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And when we practice the presence of God with others We find that mourning can have meaning when we turn to God
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When kept hidden Our mourning can be isolating And it can keep us down under the weight of despair and pain But when we recognize the presence of God with us When we experience the presence of God through the presence of others
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Our mourning can actually be used to bring something beautiful out of tragedy Now the Apostle Paul was a man who was accustomed to pain and grief And after repenting from his life of imprisoning and torturing followers to Jesus He began to follow Jesus himself But that got him into more trouble than ever Whenever he would try to bring the good news of Jesus to a new area He was imprisoned, whipped, beaten, came close to death So many times And when he wrote a letter to the church that he held plant in Corinth This is how he started He wrote, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ The Father of the mercies and the God of all consolation Who consoles us in all our affliction
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So that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction With the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God”
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He says, “Thanks be to God who comforts us Because before you know it He’s going to bring us alongside someone else who’s going through hard times So that we can be there for them just as God was there for us And this is the beautiful truth of the good news of Jesus This is the good life that Jesus is talking about When he says that mourning can be a part of the good life of the kingdom of God It’s because God can transform our grief into something that can help someone else Now it’s not saying that God causes the tragedy to happen to us But he doesn’t leave us alone in it either He draws near to us to comfort us And in doing that he’s actually able to stretch our capacity for compassion and empathy So that when we encounter someone else who’s going through something hard We actually get to be a part of God’s presence to them See, God loves you so much more than you will ever know He loves you so much that he will never leave you alone in your grief
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But he loves you even more than that(…) He loves you so much that he’s able to work through you To be able to show love and comfort to someone else And his love for you is not just because he wants to work through you It’s because you have a worth and integrity as a child of God
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And that’s why he invites you to be a part of his work in helping others(…) And his love for you is not just from a place of pity As if you’re some sad, broken animal No, his love for you is because you are valued as his beloved You are the one that he has committed to loving and serving forever and ever
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There’s an author by the name of Catherine Green McCright And in her book, “Darkness is My Only Companion”(…) She offers a Christian response to mental illness And she reflects on Psalm 119 at the end of her book And this is an excerpt of Psalm 119 that reads “This is my comfort in my trouble, that your promise gives me life It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I might learn your statutes”
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And Catherine Green McCright responds to that by saying this(…) “Is it good for me that I have been afflicted?(…) Isn’t there an easier way to learn God’s statutes?
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How can I agree with the psalmist here?
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In the midst of all my ills, I can honestly say that God has taught me in his mercy And despite my misery(…) One of the things that God in his mercy has taught me from, my illness, has been about the nature of Christian marriage(…) Illnesses, especially mental illnesses, can either destroy a marriage or cement it In my case, my marriage was strengthened I remember when I married at age 22 That the traditional vows meant much to me But when it came to in sickness and in health I always thought that I was promising to take care of my new husband It did not occur to me that I would need to be taken care of It did not enter my mind that I might be the weak one someday That I would need to accept my husband’s love in a new way I never thought that life’s circumstances might render us no longer equals In the give and take of unconditional love(…) I was young and naive Of course, when we marry, we cannot foresee the blessings and the curses we may encounter in life Hence the vows
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Otherwise, it would be easy to say to ourselves that our spouse just isn’t the person that I married(…) And of course, my husband could easily have said that of me
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But my husband taught me how to accept love when I could not give it(…) This was a hard lesson indeed for me He taught me of the wonders of grace, of the unconditional love of the marriage covenant Because he hung on and was rock solid help me to me Because he looked on tempest and was not shaken I learned after my recovery The power of Christian marriage to bear it out to the edge of doom
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For Catherine The love of her husband was a perfect image of Christ’s love for us And that’s actually why Jesus is referred to as the groom And we as the church are referred to as the bride When we feel that we are unlovable When we feel overcome with despair When we are angry at someone or feel sad about a situation We don’t need to hide from it(…) We don’t need to hide from God We don’t need to escape or distract ourselves We don’t need to numb ourselves and avoid pain Because of Jesus’ love for us We are able to learn how to face pain So that we can experience the comfort of God We are able to learn how to sit with the pain of others So that we can become the comfort of God to them
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We are able to do this because of the hope that we have That is secured in Jesus Who came to us in the flesh Entered into the pain and the suffering of our world Experienced all the highs and the lows that we can experience He faced the pain of death on our behalf And he came out of the grave victorious
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We are able to face pain now Because of the promises of Jesus That he says will happen in the future We read about them in Revelation 21 It’s a vision at the end of the book of Revelation And it shows the new heavens and the new earth And the voice declares that God is once again Entering into our presence fully And it says, “See, the home of God is among Mortals. He will dwell with them.(…) They will be his peoples and he himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more. Mourning and crying and pain will be no more For the first things have passed away.” And the one who was seated on the throne said, “See, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And then he said to me, “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the Thursday I will give water as a gift From the spring of the water of life. Those who conquer will inherit these things And I will be their God and they will be my children. Amen and amen. Come, Lord Jesus, come. Teach us how to turn to you in our grief That we may find our peace and our hope in you(…) So that we can turn and point others to you as well.
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Amen.